Today, I went to the Verizon because my phone was broken. It hadn't rang in 3 weeks. I hadn't gotten any text messages either.So, I got to the store they check out my phone. They told me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with my phone. No one had called me in 3 weeks. Then they charged me $30. FML

 

Today, I went to a chinese restaurant with my asian girlfriend. When she went into the bathroom I practiced saying "Can we have sex" in chinese which is where she is from. After saying it a few times out loud, a waiter walked by and stared at me. When he gave me the check he included his number. FML